after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
