I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
