i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
