I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
