This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
