I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
