So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
