Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
