I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
