this beer tastes like vomit already
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
