A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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