She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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