My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
