I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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