i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
