My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
