This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
