you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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