her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
