So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
