Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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