Apparently you make a good broom.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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