dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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