Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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