When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just pee around me
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
