I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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