I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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