he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
