listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
