Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
