Just fell off a train. Bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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