just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
