so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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