It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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