So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize