MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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