At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
