Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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