I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
