i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
