The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
