I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
