if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Will you blow on my dice?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
