I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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