R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
