Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
