yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
