So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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