we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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