I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
