her vagine was all disorganized.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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