So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
