wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
