no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
false alarm, still single
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
