There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
