So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
