somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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