ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
