this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i came on her dog
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
