I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize