At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
