my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
