saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
only if we run a train.
done.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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