God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
