okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
