You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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