dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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