forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
