My room smells like vodka and shame
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
