You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
