they need to just BURY HIM!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
