i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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