I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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