think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
