Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
